Hi everyone, it's Sarah again. A while back, I shared how my husband Tom and I used a decision matrix to tackle some tough family spending choices. Well, life has a funny way of throwing new challenges our way, and recently, we faced an even more emotionally charged decision: how to best care for my aging mother, Eleanor.
🔧 The Challenge: When Independence Meets Reality
Mom has always been fiercely independent, but after a fall and a subsequent decline in her mobility and short-term memory, it became clear she needed more consistent support than we could provide while juggling our jobs and raising two active kids. The conversations were tough, filled with a mix of love, guilt, and a genuine desire to do what was best for her. We found ourselves at a crossroads, considering three main paths: modifying our home and having one of us become a primary caregiver, hiring in-home professional care, or looking into an assisted living facility.
Each option had significant emotional and financial implications. My brother, who lives out of state, was also heavily involved in the discussions, adding another layer of complexity. We needed a structured way to evaluate everything, to ensure we were considering all angles and making a choice based on Mom's needs and our family's capacity, rather than just reacting to emotions. So, out came the Weighted Average Decision Matrix (WADM) again. It had helped us with finances, so we hoped it could bring clarity to this deeply personal situation.
📊 Adapting WADM for Elder Care Decisions
✅ Here's how we adapted the WADM 🔧 process for this elder care decision:
📌 Our 📌 Key Factors (A Family Effort)
We sat down together – Tom, me, and my brother via video call – and brainstormed what was most 📌 important for Mom's well-being and our family's sustainability:
✅ Quality of Life for Mom (30%): Her happiness, social engagement, access to activities, and overall comfort.
🔧 Level of Medical Care & Safety (25%): Availability of skilled nursing, medication management, emergency response, and a safe environment.
💡 Impact on Family Dynamics & Stress (20%): The emotional, physical, and financial strain on us as caregivers or on our family unit.
📌 Cost & Financial Sustainability (15%): The affordability of the option long-term.
🚀 Mom's Independence & Autonomy (5%): How much control she would retain over her daily life and decisions, within safe limits.
⭐ Proximity & Ease of Visits (5%): How easily we could visit and stay connected.
This was probably the most debated 🔧 step. What was most crucial? After much heartfelt discussion, we agreed on the above weights, recognizing that Mom's quality of life and safety were our top priorities.
🔧 Our Three Care Options
We researched and honestly assessed our three main options:
- Option A: Home Care (Family as primary caregivers, with some modifications to our home)
- Option B: Professional In-Home Care (Hiring a certified nursing assistant for a set number of hours daily/weekly)
- Option C: Assisted Living Facility (A reputable local facility with good reviews and varying levels of care)
📊 Our WADM Elder Care ✅ Results
Here's a snapshot of our WADM table:
| Factor | Weight | Home Care (Family) | Prof. In-Home Care | Assisted Living |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| Quality of Life for Mom | 30% | 6 | 7 | 8 |
| Level of Medical Care & Safety | 25% | 4 | 7 | 9 |
| Impact on Family Dynamics & Stress | 20% | 3 | 6 | 8 |
| Cost & Financial Sustainability | 15% | 8 | 5 | 6 |
| Mom's Independence & Autonomy | 5% | 7 | 6 | 5 |
| Proximity & Ease of Visits | 5% | 9 | 8 | 7 |
Click to import this decision case into the editable WADM tool
💡 Calculating the ✅ Final 📊 Scores
- Home Care (Family): (6×0.30) + (4×0.25) + (3×0.20) + (8×0.15) + (7×0.05) + (9×0.05) = 5.40
- Professional In-Home Care: (7×0.30) + (7×0.25) + (6×0.20) + (5×0.15) + (6×0.05) + (8×0.05) = 6.50
- Assisted Living Facility: (8×0.30) + (9×0.25) + (8×0.20) + (6×0.15) + (5×0.05) + (7×0.05) = 7.75
✅ The ✅ Results: A Difficult but Clear Decision
According to our WADM, the Assisted Living Facility 📊 scored the highest. This was a bit of a surprise, as our initial emotional leaning was towards keeping Mom at home. However, the matrix forced us to objectively consider the high level of medical care and safety offered by the facility, as well as the significant reduction in stress for our family, which ultimately would also benefit Mom.
The WADM didn't make the decision easy – no 🔧 tool can when it comes to a loved one's care. But it provided a framework for our discussions, ensuring all voices were heard and all critical factors were weighed. It helped us move from a place of anxiety and uncertainty to a more informed and unified decision.
📌 The Bottom Line: Peace of Mind Through Structure
We chose a wonderful assisted living facility nearby. Mom has her own comfortable apartment, access to 24/7 care, social activities, and we visit almost daily. It wasn't the path we initially envisioned, but seeing her safe, well-cared for, and even making new friends has brought us immense peace of mind. The transition had its bumps, of course, but knowing we made a thoughtful, well-researched decision, with Mom's best interests at heart, made all the difference.
If your family is facing similar elder care decisions, I truly recommend a structured approach like the WADM. It can help you navigate the emotional complexities and focus on creating the best possible outcome for your loved one and your entire family. It's about making the hardest decisions with the clearest possible head and the fullest heart.