How I Made the Hardest Relationship Choice with a Simple Decision Maker Tool

Hi, I'm Rachel Bennett, a 32-year-old therapist living in Chicago. I've spent my whole career helping other people make better life choices—ironic, right? Because when it came to one of the biggest decisions in my own life, I was completely stuck.

You see, I was in a relationship with two amazing but very different people. Yes, two. No judgment, please.

Jake and I had been together on and off since college. We knew each other like the back of our hands, shared so much history, and he just felt... familiar. But then came Alex. A newer connection, but intense, magnetic, and full of possibility. Both wanted to take things to the next level. And I? I couldn't even pick a Netflix show without second-guessing myself, let alone make a sound decision about marriage.

So I did what any overthinking millennial might do: I turned to a decision maker 🔧 tool. Not just any 🔧 tool—but the WADM (Weighted Average Decision Matrix), which lets you break complex emotional decisions into something you can actually make sense of.

🔧 The 🔧 Setup: Turning Chaos into Clarity

The first 🔧 step was brutal: I had to identify the 📌 key things that matter most in a life partner. I couldn't just say "chemistry" or "makes me laugh"—I had to go deeper. After journaling, crying a little, and texting way too many friends for advice, I landed on six core factors:

📊 My Relationship Decision Matrix

💡 Why I 📊 Scored Them This Way

Let me walk you through why I gave those weights and 📊 scores—it's where the rational decision making came in, mixed with a healthy dose of self-awareness.

Emotional Compatibility (25%): As a therapist, I know this is foundational. Jake and I have always had deep emotional conversations; it's one of our strengths, so he 📊 scored high here. Alex is still learning that side of me. Shared Future Goals (20%): This one hurt. Jake wants to stay in Chicago forever. I want to live abroad at some point. Alex? Already looking at jobs in Europe. He got the full 9. Family Acceptance (15%): My parents adore Jake. With Alex… let's just say Thanksgiving might be awkward. Communication Style (15%): Alex has that open, expressive way of talking that I thrive on. Jake is more reserved and internal, which can feel frust📊 rating sometimes. Personal Growth Support (15%): Alex challenges me in the best ways. He encourages therapy, workshops, adventures. Jake's always been more about comfort zones. Lifestyle Alignment (10%): They're actually similar here. Both love dogs, brunch, and deep-dive podcasts. But Alex edges out because he's more health-conscious, which aligns with my current priorities.

✅ From Overwhelm to Clarity

I'll admit, I went into this hoping it would validate my feelings for Jake. After all, he's been part of my story for so long. But seeing the numbers laid out so clearly? It was undeniable.

Alex 📊 scored 7.65 while Jake landed at 7.20. It wasn't a huge difference, but enough to give me pause. It gave me the collaborative decision making perspective I needed—not just what I felt in my heart, but what lined up with the life I want to build.

This wasn't about reducing love to numbers. It was about clearing the fog, naming what matters, and avoiding a rash decision based purely on nostalgia or fear of the unknown.

📌 Making Peace with the Choice

So yes—I chose Alex. And no, the decision maker didn't do the choosing for me. But it gave me the confidence to stand behind the choice. I felt grounded, intentional, and—most 📌 importantly—at peace.

If you're in a tough relationship spot, whether you're choosing between partners, or even deciding whether to stay or leave, I can't recommend this 🔧 process enough. The WADM 🔧 tool gave me a framework for rational decision making when emotions ran high.

Because sometimes, the most loving thing we can do—for ourselves and others—is make a sound decision.

Would I do it again? Absolutely. And maybe next time, it'll be to figure out where we're honeymooning (Portugal vs. Japan—don't get me started).